Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
