non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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