Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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