Just fell off a train. Bad.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
