I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Bring me that man meat
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Congratulations! We have a period
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
