He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
