things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
