I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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