if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
