Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just had sex on a roof
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
