your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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