I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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