Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
