It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
