from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
this hospital has no fireball
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
