why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
