oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
