He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
