took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
