I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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