So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
