careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
