She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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