she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
