can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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