you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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