Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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