why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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