I want to stick my p in your. b.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
