the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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