You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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