2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
