she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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