meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
