Dignity is for republicans.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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