then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
How's work?
Spinning.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
