I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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