So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
