he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
