I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
