Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Do you remember whose house we're in?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
