Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
