good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
