I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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