i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
do herpes really smell.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
