we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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