I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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