he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
