he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you didnt know i had herpes?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
did i walk over a car last night?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
