I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
