When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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