Your mouth is God's brothel.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
