PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
this just has baby written all over it
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
