at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
