He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
