you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
