fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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