he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
my poor anus
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
